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Blender Magazine's Top 50 Worst Songs Ever List: Madonna's American Life is at Number 9 (Nine)

Read more about it at the following pages:

The Tracks of Their Jeers

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/185598p-160749c.html

9. "American Life," Madonna. "Hands down, the most embarrassing rap ever recorded."

Toronto Star's Story on the Top 50 List

'Blender' Names Top 50 Worst Songs (from Yahoo News)

see also

VH1.com: 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs . . . Ever

American Mess: Madonna the immaterial girl
April 22, 2003 / By Mike Bell, Calgary Sun

Excerpts:

....But after listening to the album, you can't help but wonder if Madonna, whose career trajectory certainly isn't upwards, figured out this really isn't a record strong enough to take a stand on.

It isn't. American Life is the weakest, worst and most out-of-touch offering from the artist in more than a decade.

From the songs themselves to the approach and style she's chosen, it's a miscalculated mess of a misstep.

American Life could have been a fine addition to either of its two predecessors. Even the silly Princess Superstar rap in the song might have come across as cheeky and forgivable.

Here, now, it just sounds stale and desperate.

...much of it -- songs like I'm So Stupid, Nobody Knows Me, X-Static Process and the album-closer Easy Ride, most notably -- comes across as shallow and insincere.

And Mother and Father is one of the most embarrassing, truly terrible Madonna songs ever.

Family and her upbringing have guided a great deal of her artistic pursuits, but when it produces faux rapped lines like "My mother died when I was five and all I did was sit and cry/I cried and cried and cried all day until the neighbours went away .../My father had to go to work, I used to think he was a jerk," it's definitely time to, as she acknowledges, move on.

...American Life also features the Bond theme Die Another Day, another failure of a track...

Stuff Entertainment: American Life - Madonna

http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,2515966a4500,00.html
June 01, 2003

Reviewed by GRANT SMITHIES

Excerpts:

But it is. Bad, I mean. Preachy, confused, patronising, banal, conceptually bankrupt, melodically threadbare, full of risible rhymes, inexcusable vocoder voice effects and excruciating new age waffle about her seemingly endless mid-life crisis.

Some of the couplets ("There was a time that I prayed to Jesus Christ / There was a time I had a mother, it was nice") should result in criminal charges being laid.

Worst of all, do you know what the main message this stinking-rich Material Girl wants to share with us is? Materialism is bad. Gimme a break. Easily the worst album she's ever made, perhaps American Life marks the point where the Queen of Pop finally ran out of ideas. Time to abdicate gracefully, methinks, before we wheel out the guillotine.

Above: photo of newspaper article. Larger version can be viewed here

'American Life' less: On new album, Madonna loses her way or abandons it

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/printstory.hts/ae/music/albums/1892703

By Michael D. Clark

(May 2, 2003)

Excerpts:

. . . for American Life, her 10th studio album (soundtracks for Dick Tracy and Evita included), Madonna has found a part unsuitable for her: victim.

The pop star once known as "the material girl" demonstrates hypocrisy in the title track, which addresses the excess of the American dream:

"I tried to be a boy/ I tried to be a girl/ I tried to be a mess/ I tried to be the best/ I guess I did it wrong/ That's why I wrote this song."

The lines are enough to make us gag as we wonder how we might be able to do it wrong the same multimillion-dollar way Madonna has.

. . . The disappointment of this album is its limited range: A couple of halfhearted dance songs supported by acoustic folk do not a Madonna album make.

. . . File this just below 1992's Erotica as the worst studio album by Madonna to date.

Grade: D

Rock 'n' Roll Boy, Where Are You

http://rocknrollboy.blogspot.com/

(Please note that I totally disagree with this blogger's anti-American views)

Snippets from his page include:

Tuesday, April 15, 2003 ::
:: The Anti-War Rant ::

...and speaking about my job, I must warn all Madonna fans, there is a plan to write an article on how her marketing for AMERICAN LIFE is failing, how she needs publicity so bad she’s even going on Regis and Kelly, how pulling the video was another publicity stunt, how she barely has her music career because her acting career is over, it’s over, they decide it’s over.

Lousy material, girl: by Neil McCormick /Date: April 21 2003

http://www.smh.com.au/text/articles/2003/04/20/1050777161737.htm

Excerpts from article:

If her latest album [American Life] is any guide, pop's queen may be a has-been, writes Neil McCormick in London.

. . . As many may have already suspected, Madonna's new army-surplus look (modelled in her recently withdrawn video and displayed on posters everywhere) turns out not to be a comment on war, just her latest fashion infatuation.

. . . Every track seems to be in the same key and (beneath clever but essentially cosmetic inversions) to feature a couple of major chords hammered out in dull sequence.

Playlouder Review: American Life Madonna, Maverick

http://www.playlouder.com/review/762madonna.html

Excerpts:

Madonna has had more influence on my life than Jesus Christ, Nabokov and my parents put together... So it is with a heavy heart that I have to tell you that 'American Life' is Madonna's worst album. Ever.

"I tried to stay on top, but somehow I forgot", she warbles in the opening title track. As if to illustrate what she means, she launches into a rap so weak, my toes curl into ringlets.

It's not just that her flow is appalling, which it is. It's the risible nursery rhyme lyrics which must leave even little Rocco snorting in derision. I can't even bring myself to quote them, they're that bad. You'll have heard it on the radio by now anyway.

...Madonna then spoils it all with 'I'm So Stupid', which is so utterly banal it makes me want to projectile vomit my own internal organs across the room just to liven things up.

...hang on, here comes another abominable rap. "My father had to go to work / I used to think he was a jerk".

A Fourth Year - 1/7/99 [Ray of Light music video review]

http://www.students.missouri.edu/~ahicks/afourthyear/jan0799.htm

...She's growing up; she'd probably have a few gray hairs by now if she wasn't dying it a different color every week. But she thinks she's 20, wearing a jean jacket with nothing underneath and trusting that the post-production will take care of those stretch marks on her stomach. Come on, you know she has some...

I think it's sad that Madonna has to reinterpret herself for 13-year-olds every few years....

ON DISC: Lights, camera, abstraction: MADONNA, Ray of Light / Maverick/Warner (2/26/98)

http://www.eye.net/eye/issue/issue_02.26.98/music/ondisc.html

Let's begin with the makeover. In the multiple-Madonna'd video for "Frozen," she resembles both Alanis Morissette and Diamanda Galás, combining the intense self-possession of a mournful hellion with the insouciance of someone who didn't wash her hair after working out.

In the sleeve of Ray of Light, out Tuesday, she looks more like Sheryl Crow in her topless shot in Rolling Stone's Victory for Women issue -- Madonna's breasts are revealed through a sheer top, except you're not supposed to look at the nipples because they're there not for your titillation but for the dispensing of life-giving mother's milk. Have some respect, sicko.

...She's been searching for the brave new sound all decade, and consequently been short on decent singles (could she really fill a second volume of The Immaculate Collection?)

...The album's second half bogs down with a spate of formless ballads akin to such non-classics as "This Used to Be My Playground" and "Oh Father."

Rock Stars Hate Me By Tina Plottel (1998) [Ray of Light M tv Performance Critique]

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/archives/indc/rockstar/1998/rock0925.html

Madonna's nipples were totally on view during her strained version of "Ray of Light [on an M tv video music awards show];" it almost looked like she put extra henna on them so the camera's light wouldn't miss 'em

The Anti Spotlight (Die Another Day Review)

http://www.geocities.com/corneriarocks/antispotlight5.html

Not only that, the lyrics are absolutely abysmal, as Madonna exclaims "Sigmund Freud" after the first verse for absolutelty no reason at all. I liked "Frozen" Madonna: can we have her back and not this crappy version?

from iWon: Elton Trashes Madonna Tune [Die Another Day] (November 22, 2002)

http://entertainment.iwon.com/celebgossip/pgsix/id/11_29_2002_1.html

Excerpts:

THE claws are out between Elton John, Madonna and Elton's boyfriend, David Furnish.

Sir Elton recently told the British tabloids that Madonna's single, "Die Another Day," is the worst 007 theme in the franchise's history.

"It hasn't got a tune," he hissed to the Sun. "James Bond themes are usually very camp and this one's different. It is the worst Bond tune of all time" - which is saying a lot if you remember Duran Duran's "View to a Kill" or Sheena Easton's "For Your Eyes Only."

John said the Pierce Brosnan flick's producers would have been better off hiring him than Madonna: "They should have gone for somebody like Lulu and Shirley Bassey, or maybe I'm in that league." He tried to backtrack from his catty comments, saying, "I don't think it's the best Madonna record, and I'm a big fan."

This is only the latest anti-Madonna rant to come out of the Elton John camp. Furnish, his life-mate, went into an all-out tizzy recently when he heard the rumor - which turned out to be untrue - that Madonna was planning to make a movie about her life.

"I can't imagine anything more boring than a film about her because there's no secrets," Furnish said. "She's bared her soul to the press."

He branded the Material Mom as "kind of cold" and criticized her as over-exposed. "We've witnessed every incarnation. There's no mystery, there's no mystique."

A voice above the rest: Indie rocker Chris Lee graces scene with a powerful voice and the music chops to boot (2001).

http://www.tinymixtapes.com/interviews/chris_lee_interview.htm

By Ryan Dombal

Toward the end of the interview, Lee declares his admiration for pop-soul princess Sade.

He gushes, "People just love [her] for what she is," he continues, "A couple months ago in New York [Sade] was doing some gigs at the same time that Madonna was. [Madonna] got piles and piles of press while Sade didn't have any, but [Sade's] shows were all super sold out. She is kind of the anti-Madonna because she doesn't have to push people over like that because she has the musical goods"

Lee, too, has these "musical goods," and he's unafraid to show them off.

REVIEW: FOUR-ACT JOURNEY: Madonna concert love-hate affair

http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2001/Sep-03-Mon-2001/news/16913611.html

by Doug Elfman, Las Vegas Review-Journal

My comments on this concert review: Why on earth this guy 'likes' the sleazy bit in the concert where one of Madonna's dancers "sticks a big phallic tube in between Madonna's legs, and smoke pours out of it" is byond me. It's just more evidence of Madonna's slutty demeanor.

Monday, September 03, 2001

Watching Madonna in concert is exhilarating and maddening. You hate her, like her, hate her, like her. You sit down and look at the price on your ticket stub, $250. (Hate her.) She's 50 minutes late. (Hate her.)

Then the show finally starts, and it's a delightful, multimedia feast. There's creative choreography. Scads of video monitors show slick images of light. And Madonna, in a punk kilt, sings electronic music while bumping her booty against male dancers' groins. (Like her.)

She flips off the crowd. (Hate her).

Her dancers feel her up, and they're wearing goggles with flashlights where their eye holes should be. One dancer sticks a big phallic tube in between Madonna's legs, and smoke pours out of it. (Like her.)

She curses her 15,000 fans, screaming "(Expletive) off, (plural version of 12-letter expletive)!" (Hate her.)

This went on for 100 entertaining, ridiculous minutes at the MGM Grand Garden Arena. The whole Saturday night event seemed like a pop star's version of performance art, but it wasn't cohesive or challenging enough to reach that arty height.

. . . But then a big video monitor behind the stage showed a scene from the movie "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" because Madonna wrote a psychedelic-electronic song "Beautiful Stranger" for the movie. She interrupted her concept to ask the movie's catchphrase, "Do I make you horny?" and to sing something that didn't fit anything that came before or after it.

. . . There was the 43-year-old pop culture icon, who sang electronic music that didn't rescue her musical relevancy. . .

At the end of the first act, Madonna rubbed her crotch against a stripper's pole. . .

[After Paradise Not For Me] Next up was the worst musical section, the cowgirl act. It started with Madonna singing the boring ballad, "I Deserve It." She was playing an acoustic guitar. But in the back shadows of the stage, a guitarist was playing the same three chords she was. Which guitar were we hearing?

Sweet Childhood: Predict the Dsyfunction

http://www.fadetoblack.com/children/

Excerpts:

If you are a Hollywood celebrity, having a kid is more than just giving birth to a precious child. It is also a great way to gain valuable PR.

So many of today's self absorbed narcissistic celebrities who can't see their infant as a separate entity, insist on dragging their child into the limelight.

So we decided to counter the typical Hollywood media fluff with some facts. We asked several psychologists, psychiatrists, and various people involved in the psychology field to predict to the best of their ability the psychological damage and dysfunction that children of Madonna, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Michael Jackson will most likely develop.

. . . We asked our panel to vote for which disorder or dysfunction each child will likely develop. The numbers for each child represent the total votes.

[Under the category of Narcissim, Madonna scored a "10"] Narcissism: Excessive love or admiration of oneself to cover up feelings of low self worth.

Substance Abuser: An intrinsic need to escape from reality by the use of drugs or alcohol. [Score: 10]

. . . Some quotes from our panel in describing why they voted the way they did

On Madonna:

"Madonna is so unstable spiritually that her child could have all the above problems."

"Past studies have shown that celebrity children, whether celebrities from their own accomplishments or those of their parents, show these tendencies. Plus, being at the center of attention regularly, should lead to the narcissistic tendencies"

"Madonna is very concerned with appearances...this will undoubtedly rub off on to her daughter"

"Confused boundary issues and exaggerated self importance"

"...it appears to me that Madonna has a disorder called HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER. This is not one of your options. These are typically women who are overly flirtatious and flamboyant, and crave to be the center of attention.

Basically, many of these individuals are very decent but insecure. I suspect that Madonna is likely to be a reasonable parent. Her daughter, finding her a hard act to follow, will likely be withdrawn with some detachment. In wagering a guess, I would speculate a SCHIZOID PERSONALITY DISORDER."

"Madonna's daughter (Lourdes ?) appears to be receiving a great deal of attention from her mother right now. My guess is, however, that this will not be a lifelong pattern of maternal attachment for Madonna. Madonna appears to be thriving on the publicity and attention she is receiving for her motherhood, however this attention will soon fade.

Madonna's unquenchable thirst for attention will grow to be a problem once the public grows tired of her, and she is no longer able to manipulate media attention. Consequently she will wrest attention from those closest to her, including her daughter. Instead of nurturing her daughter, Madonna is likely to be manipulative and seek constant validation and attention from her.

This in turn is likely to stunt her daughter's personality growth. Furthermore, as Madonna ages, she will most likely become more and more desperate to seek the attention of men that she possessed so strongly in her younger days. Her impressionable daughter will probably model this behavior and internalize the belief that a woman's value is primarily as a sex object.

Lourdes' daily existence will be characterized by rapid, extreme mood shifts, and desperate attempts to draw attention to herself. Her relationships will be shallow and unstable, though she may see them as intimate. She may turn to substance abuse as a coping mechanism, since her environment offers financial resources, but little interpersonal support"

"Madonna's moves from relationship to relationship, Her overexposed sexuality, Your mother is the Madonna and you are the "Lord" (Lourdes)"

"This is a very odd question, given none of us know Madonna or her child, and none of us can predict what Lourdes' upbringing will be like--if, for example, she will have other individuals around to whom she might attach.

And these considerations are EXTREMELY important. However, based upon what I've read (which is never, of course, subjective), it sounds as though Madonna is already projecting qualities of her own onto her child ('I know she is strong, like me,' etc.), which an infant of Lourdes age has not yet begun to really exhibit.

Mothers typically make such comments about their infants; whether or not Madonna is able to see the reality of her developing child as separate from Madonna's own self will determine in large part whether or not Lourdes grows up with a personality disorder.

If there is no psychosis in Madonna's family, it is unlikely Lourdes will develop schizophrenia. Whether or not she becomes a substance abuser depends on whether or not she develops sufficient ego strength to moderate her impulses--which comes from one's caretakers being able to encourage the separation and individuation process in early childhood (i.e., the next 3 years)--and on her peer group.

If Lourdes' caretakers encourage Lourdes to explore the environment (without guilt and without abandoning her) and are there to provide her a secure and welcoming (but not smothering) base when she returns, and if they are able to accurately reflect back to Lourdes and validate the ideas and feelings she expresses, she will probably develop a healthy sense of self"